Managing the Balancing Act: Challenges Facing the Sandwich Generation and the Club Sandwich Generation
Many of us have heard of the term “The Sandwich Generation”, referring to adults with children of their own who have aging parents, or an aging loved one. Sometimes they are directly involved in their care, while other times they simply offer moral support. Another variation of that model is: “The Club Sandwich Generation”, referring to adults who have children and grandchildren of their own and are supporting their aging parents or aging loved one. The challenges and demands are very real to both groups.
To have a better understanding of the complexities of these situations, here are some real-life examples.
Mr. M is a CEO of a large company and travels extensively. He has a son in high school and daughter entering college. Also, his wife has a demanding career. Mr. M. is an only child. His elderly father lives in an assisted living community nearby, but has complex medical needs which require constant monitoring. After several recent hospitalizations, Mr. M. has had to postpone business trips and meetings to manage his father’s care. In addition, he and his wife have had to accompany their daughter across the country to set her up in her college dorm. Mr. M. is feeling the stress of balancing his family and his father’s care. This is an example of “The Sandwich Generation”.
Ms. T is a wife, a mother and a grandmother. She has an adult daughter who is expecting a second child. She also manages the care of her elderly mother, who is almost 90 years old, all while living in a different state. Her mother requires a considerable amount of care but refuses to move to an assisted living community. Ms. T finds herself commuting every month for a week’s stay to provide care for her mother. Ms. T’s daughter, who lives across the country, and is about to give birth to her second child. Ms. T wants to be present at the birth of her grandchild, but she is torn between staying with her mother and going to be with her daughter! This is an example of the “Club Sandwich Generation”.
If you find yourself or know someone who is in a similar situation, it’s important to understand the key issues before exploring solutions.
People dealing with an aging loved one often feel overwhelmed and have a sense of being pulled in different directions. By adding additional family commitments such as children or grandchildren to the mix, it then becomes a major balancing act. Who is the priority: the parent, the children, the grandchildren or the spouse? As a result, a sense of guilt can sometimes seep into their thought process. They may also be faced with having to navigate a complex healthcare system and, at times, with making life-changing decisions. All of these can cause extreme stress.
In these situations, one can move forward with some practical strategies in hand. Asking questions such as: what areas of the loved one’s care are difficult to manage, which daily/weekly tasks need to be addressed to ensure the safety of the older adult, and who else in the family/friend circle may be able to assist, can help to identify the challenges. The next step is to explore potential solutions. They may include hiring someone to check in on the older adult on a regular basis or hiring a private home care agency to assist with activities of daily living. Another option may be to hire a geriatric care manager if the older adult’s medical issues are complex and require more oversight. Exploring a move to an assisted living or other supportive living community may address the issues of loneliness and safety of the older adult. And finally, finding community resources that can support older adults, such as the Alzheimer’s Association and local Councils on Aging, can greatly reduce the stress of the “sandwiched” adult.
Judy Dovev, Owner
Eldercare Consultant
Elder Life Directions
617-322-5125
